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World's Smartest Vet
By David A. Rustebakke, DVM
Oct 6, 2000
Brand new diploma hanging on the wall,
My name's on the sign outside.
I'm the brand new country vet,
And so far, nothing has died!
I've been schooled till my head is full
Of at least a million facts.
I'm at ease with most any disease,
I'm educated to the max!
Medicine, surgery, dentistry too,
Reproduction, large and small.
Laboratory procedures, yes,
I can do it all!
I'm about as smart as they come,
Could get an advanced degree!
Specialized, certified, piece of cake,
Could even get a PhD!
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So what am I doing, standing here,
Up to my knees in mud?
Behind this rusty old cattle chute,
I'm caked with all kinds of crud!
Green and brown stuff fills the air,
I'm plastered from head to toe!
The last cow in peed in my boot,
That reminds me, I've gotta go!
But there's no time for that, this cow I'm in
Is hard to diagnose.
I'm up to my shoulder, still no calf,
There! I touched it! I'm getting close!
"Pregnant!" I announce, "Purt near six months!"
It's written in the book.
Boss man looks me in the eye,
He's got a funny look.
Hired man's rolling on the ground,
As my guts are gripped with fear!
Seems the world's smartest vet
Just found a pregnant steer!
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